I’m Not Only A Member Of “Hair Club For Men”,
I’m The President !!!
Hello Everyone !
~ Welcome To Daniel’s Critical Corner ~
Today’s Ferocious Feature: The Wolfman
Lurking in shadows, the beast awaits… Its unsuspecting human prey
illuminated by an imposing full moon. Sensing danger, our intended
victim hurries along her path, hoping to reach home (whilst shrouded
in a security blanket of fog).
Sadly, the wayward waif shall never set foot at her humble abode on
this accursed night. She has been marked… FOR DEATH. A fiendish
creature must feed !!! There is a moment or two of screaming, then
nothing but the sound of warm flesh being ripped from bone.
Away from human eyes, gnashing teeth chomp on entrails as a furry
and fantastical freak revels in carnivorous carnage. With hair coated
in gore the monster goes back from whence it came… Sometimes on
all fours, and sometimes on two legs (wearing the clothing of a man).
OK, enough about “G-Force”. Yes, it’s a fun movie… But guinea pigs
are so overrated ! If you want a little finesse with your fuzzies, look
no further than Universal’s “The Wolfman”.
I’ve got to admit, I was scared going into this one ! Hairy monsters
have always terrified me, ever since I was a young lad. Bigfoot, The
Abominable Snowman, werewolves and Diana Ross ALL give me really
bad nightmares.
^ Bigfoot Diana Ross
This new flick is a “Scream Come True” for horror lovers, as it emulates
the classic 1941 version quite well (with a touch of modern sensibility).
Notable Hollywood legends who first gave the Wolfman his bite are now
sadly long gone, but here’s a fitting and refreshing tribute to them !
Who could forget Lon Chaney Jr. running around foggy moors at night
with a rug glued to his face ? Claude Rains and beautiful Evelyn Ankers
were in tow for shrieks and giggles !
Today, we get Benicio Del Taco Toro filling the paws of Lon Chaney Jr.
with respectful and wonderful results… No surprise there ! As it turns
out, Del Toro is a GIANT fan of the original “Wolf Man”, and owns tons
of authentic shaggy memorabilia !!!
Ha Ha ! Isn’t it funny, back in those days they actually named people
(giggle) “Lon”. Hey, no offense if your name happens to be Lon. But
statistically speaking, if your name perchance is Lon, you are way too
old to read this. More than likely, you’re probably dead…
Anyway, Del Toro portrays “Lawrence Talbot”, a strange dude sporting
a “Beatles” hairdo (and hiding more than one skeleton in his closet). He
is a late 19th-century Shakespearean actor who must travel homeward
to Daddy’s musty old estate because somebody ate his brother.
Anthony Hopkins appropriately plays Lawrence’s ambivalent father, “Sir
John Talbot”, who seems bothered more by the incessant howling he’s
heard after sunset than the fact that one of his children is dead. First,
those darn lambs wouldn’t shut up, now he has wolves to contend with.
The Village People warn him of something very sinister !
Hey Man… It’s A Werewolf !!!
Lawrence and John soon realize they have more than a hairy handful of
trouble when people start showing up looking like ground beef ! To add
to this mayhem is busty Gwen (Emily Blunt) and a funny-looking bloke,
Detective Abberline of Scotland Yard (Hugo Weaving).
Abberline has his eye set on the Talbots, while Lawrence goes down to
a gypsy camp looking for answers… He stumbles upon a fortune-teller
named “Maleva” (played by Charlie Chaplain’s daughter, Geraldine) then
he encounters a dancing bear ! Um… No, I am not talking about Diana
Ross again.
This bear seems to be a little perturbed, and falls out of step during his
soft-shoe rendition of “Cabaret”. Animals can often sense danger, and
sure enough, a blood-thirsty werewolf is waiting to pounce.
Under a macabre moon, the creature eats gypsies, tramps and thieves.
And he washes ‘em all down with (a couple bottles) of Doctor Good. In
the commotion, poor Lawrence gets nibbled on while tryin’ to intervene.
Of course, this means he is going to transform eventually himself…
Maleva chants: “Even a man who is pure of heart and says his prayers
by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn
moon is bright”. (Could be an advertisement for Benadryl).
The 2010 Census: We Will Find You.
One of the film’s few faults is that it drags on just a little as we wait for
our cursed cad to lurch into lycanthropy ! A lot of “blah, blah blah” and
plenty of “yada yada yada” before he terrorizes the countryside.
Inspired music from Danny Elfman takes you there, and it really adds an
authentic touch of mystery too. Who’s the human behind the werewolf
that bit Talbot ? Are foul deeds afoot ? Is that a foot in the ditch ?
At one point, the troubled townspeople decide to set a trap for our evil
entity by tying a stag to a rope, then waiting in the bushes with rifles !
Things go south when the stag breaks free just as the beast shows up.
(The stag runs one way, and several men run screaming in the opposite
direction).
Because they look somewhat tastier, Wolfy Boy decides to chase after
the menfolk !!! Hmmm… Sounds like Adam Lambert in concert. LOL !!!
Forgive me, that was a real howler. Nonetheless, victims pile up whilst
getting plowed down.
The atmospheric cinematography and spooky special effects make for a
treat on the big screen ! This werewolf is extra scary, mainly because
he looks like a man possessed by an animal. In flicks such as “Twilight”
and “Underworld” these loup-garous just look like big dogs.
Michael Jackson got it right in his “Thriller” video ! And Michael J. Fox
tried getting it right in “Teen Wolf”. Now, director Joe Johnston brings
us a fun, old-fashioned horror movie that recognizes what creeps folks
out. All while boasting some HOT werewolf-on-werewolf action at the
end…
Go sink your teeth into “The Wolfman”. It’s full-bodied entertainment !
~
Would I Recommend This ? Yes
Daniel’s Critical Rating: “7.5″ out of “10″
