DAD, You are NOT “Ghost Rider” !
Daniels Critical Corner Proudly Presents: The Simpsons Movie !
Hang on, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride !!!
As I sit here writing this, the comforting warmth of nostalgia is starting
to engulf me. OK, actually, it’s not nostalgia… I just dropped a chili dog
in my lap. But whatever the case may be, there is a warmth.
I’d like to start off this review by taking everyone on a trip with me.
No, not to Hawaii… Put your hula skirts down. Let’s go back to 1989 !
That’s the year “The Simpsons” first hit the airwaves. We are going back in time…
Back we go… To a time before “The Family Guy”…
And to a time even before “South Park”…
I remember it so well, as if it were only yesterday…
It was the Christmas season (1989) when I first laid my eyes on a “Simpsons”
episode. The series premiered on a Sunday Night, and I was home relaxing
(having just completed my very first college finals the Friday before) !
There were many commercials for this “new” animated sitcom on Fox,
and I was intrigued by the concept. A weekly cartoon at night ???
Unheard of !
The first show was actually a Christmas special, titled
“Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire”. It tells the story of
how the family got their darling dog, “Santa’s Little Helper”.
Well, let’s just say I wasn’t impressed. Cartoons were supposed to be cute.
Not VULGAR. I grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons… Which consisted
of “The Smurfs”, “Scooby Doo”, “Bugs Bunny” and of course a great assortment
of superheros. I was also a big fan of the classic “Donald Duck” shorts. But as
for “The Simpsons”… These rather crudely drawn, yellow characters just
rubbed me the wrong way.
Yes folks, back in 1989/1990, I HATED the “Simpsons” !
(Now I’m writing this to the light of my little “Lisa Simpson” desk lamp),
and I’m looking over at my “Treehouse of Horror” Monopoly Game…
People change, tastes change, and thank God I am now a true “Simpsons” fan !!!
When this great show first came out, I only knew TWO of the 60+ people
that are on my friends list on MySpace… (Hi Kristi) ! And at least TEN
of my aforementioned friends were just babies… We are going back nineteen
years mind you ! I was a young man, still a teenager (just a couple of months
away from twenty). Now, I’m four months past Mickey Rooney and three
months shy of DEAD. LOL ! Well, all kidding aside, 1989 was a very
Ronald Reagan left the White House, Zsa Zsa Gabor slapped a cop, and
Neptune’s moon “Triton” was first seen up close by human eyes thanks to
Voyager II flying by. Pluto was still classified as a planet !
Madonna had a number one song with her provocative “Like A Prayer”.
If I remember correctly, she drank a Pepsi while burning a cross and rubbing
her crotch. Pepsi was NOT amused. Now, Madonna drinks “Coke”. They
don’t care what she rubs or burns, they just like the free publicity.
Back in the late eighties, nobody knew what Janet Jackson’s boob looked like.
Now EVERYBODY knows what Janet Jackson’s boob looks like. Little kids
even draw pictures of it. But that’s what happens when you let children
watch the Superbowl. Tsk, tsk…
“The Little Mermaid” made a splash at movie theaters, and Michael Keaton
battled Jack Nicholson in the first “Batman” movie. Anyone remember
“Batdance” ? Ah yes, Prince. Before he became a “squiggle”.
Ginger Rogers, Marlene Dietrich and Greta Garbo were still alive and kicking,
but we lost Lucille Ball and the legendary Bette Davis (Oh, those EYES) !
Olivia de Havilland was also alive and well… Hmm… Hold on… Looks like
SHE is STILL alive and well. That’s odd. Guess she’s not dead yet… But she
should be ! The “Gone With The Wind” star has seen better days, I’m sure.
I think she died back in 1997 (but no one told her). So she continues to roam
the Earth… HUNGRY FOR HUMAN FLESH !!!
Olivia De Havilland, Age 23
“Gone With The Wind”
Olivia De Havilland, Age 91
What else was going on back in 1989 ? Well, 74 Titanic survivors were still
on this planet. Now, there is only ONE. And let me tell you, she is hanging on
by a thread. No more throwing jewels overboard for that old dame. She’s
likely to go over with it !
As for myself, I was a borderline “Greek God” back in the day…
I had rippling muscles that used to glisten in the sun, and I sported a long
flowing mane of light brown hair. I remember shaking my head from side to side
(in slow motion) as my beautiful, curly locks would cascade down my shoulders.
I used to love riding up the side of the mountain on my horse, hair blowing
in the wind… People gasping in awe as we would gallop by.
What I Looked Like In 1989
What I Look Like NOW
What I Will Probably Look Like In
Anywho, “The Simpsons Movie” is really a lot of fun,
(and it features stupendous animation that easily rivals even the best of Disney).
The plot involves Homer getting a pet pig, which he dresses up in funny costumes.
He does the little guy up as “Spider-Pig”, and even “Harry Plopper” !
I myself would dress my pig up as Posh Spice or perhaps John McCain.
But that’s just me.
Homer’s pig craps too much, so Homer in his infinite wisdom decides to dump
the poop into Lake Springfield. BIG mistake. He causes an (un)natural disaster,
and in no time the government (Led by President Schwarzenegger) covers the
Simpson’s hometown with a giant glass dome. Chaos ensues, as the Springfield
population descends into madness. It’s up to Homer and his family to save the day !
Hilarious events unfold as Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie figure out
what they are going to do. Ya just gotta love these guys… It’s hard not to see a
little bit of yourself in each of these iconic characters. Sure, they end up making
fun of everybody… But there is nothing wrong with being able to
laugh at yourself.
The entire gang is in this movie, from Chief Wiggum to Mr. Burns,
and from Grampa Simpson to Apu ! Even Itchy and Scratchy make an
appearance ! Having a full-length feature film was such a great idea ! I always
felt bad when “The Simpsons” would end after thirty minutes. I just wanted
it to keep going. And thanks to this movie, it does !!! You can never have
enough of a good thing. Long live “The Simpsons” !
D’ohnt just take my word for it ! See it for yourself !!!
Would I Recommend This ? YES
Daniel’s Critical Rating: “10” out of “10”
Oprah + planet reference = still funny 🙂
Hey so glad that you got the page up! It’s Amazing and i can’t wait to talk to you all about it tomorrow at work. Keep up the good work because without Reviewers we would all have to see the crappy movies!
WOW! this is the coolest, and you are the best writer EVER!!!!!!! I want to see more…hmmmm maybe BLOOD DIAMOND????? LOL!!!!!!!!!!
WOW! The new “Critical Corner” looks awesome! Very funny review, btw… can’t wait to read more!
There is no better way to start the day out with a big smile on my face okay – (I might be able to think of something) but your reviews always have me in stiches. I haven’t seen this movie, but of course since you loved it, I will have to see it. Congratulations on the new website. You’re gonna be big!
I love the new site!! Im proud of you!
Hope all is going well…
Cant wait to read more 🙂
Woo hoo! Simpsons Movie got a 10 out of 10. Page is lookin good, your fingers must be hurtin’ from all the typing but don’t worry, a certain someone in a green jeep will take care of that 😉
Congratulations and another funny write up. A great way to start the new website!
Like The Simpsons who (showing my age) I remember first showing up in little skits on the Tracey Ullman show (love her!) you too have gone from humble beginnings, to THIS (happy anni, btw), and… as I can imagine, onward to have DCC – The Movie…!
P.S. I tried to put in a picture… look at how funny The Simpsons looked back then!
El yo es grande! And so is your Site. Totally rock solid amigo, and a great viddy to analyize as numero uno!