Stop !!! (In The Name Of Glove)
~ Hello Everyone ~
Welcome To Daniel’s Critical Corner !
Soaring High Today: Iron Man
Move over Spider, Bat and Super, there’s a new MAN in town !!!
Let’s kick this review off with a startling confession… One that may shock you…
I was not AT ALL looking forward to seeing “Iron Man”. There. I said it.
(I’m not proud), but at least it’s out in the open. Don’t act so surprised. I’ve
confessed to worse ! And, in regards to that, I have not been to that midget
site since November.
It’s all true I’m afraid (about me not wanting to see the “Iron Man” movie).
Don’t get me wrong, I never had anything against the guy per se, but first of
all what did I really know about him? Nada. Zip. Zilch. Goose Egg. Secondly, the
previews left me flat. Charlie Chaplin running around in a robot suit ? Just some
average dude running around in armor? Beavis and Butt-Head style music ? This
film had “One Trick Pony” written ALL over it. And if you ask me, our hero
kind of looks like a cross between a “Transformer” and a “Teletubbie”.
Also, as it would seem, “Iron Man” is without “sex appeal”. Spider-Man has his
tights, Batman has his rubber nipples, and Wonder Woman has her “Wonderbra”
(Plus she ties you up when you’ve been naughty)… So what on Earth does Iron
Man have ? Allow me to enlighten you… He has a nice CAN!!! (Badomp Bomp) !
Well, it’s now safe to say that ALL of my preconceived notions melted away as I
was slowly drawn in (and then completely mesmerized) by this exciting adventure !
First off , we get to learn a little about Tony Stark, (played by Robert Downey Jr.).
Stark is a super rich playboy, who lives the high life. Granted, the “high” life is not
much of a stretch for Robert … At any rate, Tony is the owner of a very successful
weapons manufacturing company. On a trip to the Middle East, he is kidnapped by
terrorists who force him to start building a bomb. It isn’t long however, before he
himself becomes “Da Bomb” as the super-suited Iron Man !
Remove Your Hand… I Am NOT A “Coke” Machine !
It’s awesome to watch the spectacle as Tony (dressed in robotic armor)
starts mopping up the dessert with terrorist scum. Appropriately, the
soundtrack breaks out into heavy metal as (one by one), assorted baddies
are ripped to shreds by this magnificent machine !
Seeing the error of his ways, our shiny hero decides to start doing good
with his company, and he wants out of the weapons business. Unfortunately,
in the process he manages to piss off (of all people) Jeff Bridges. I don’t know
about you, but I personally wouldn’t want to mess with Jeff Bridges.
Of course, hijinks ensue…
Jeff (giving Lex Luthor a run for his money in the bald villain department), decides
the only way to beat a guy in a robot costume is to build a BIGGER robot costume.
What results is one of the most thrilling good guy/bad guy confrontations in recent
history. Nuts really start to fly as they bang the HECK out of each other !
In no time at all, Robert Downey Jr. manages to turn Jeff Bridge’s
Hard Drive into Software !
An Accident During Filming: One Of The Cars From “Speed Racer” Crashed
Onto The “Iron Man” Set.
Now I’ve got to mention the rather gratuitous “love interest”, played (charmingly)
by Gwyneth Paltrow. WOW ! Haven’t seen her in a while. Nope… To be honest,
I’ve never really managed to see her in much of anything. I do seem to remember
her being in the movie “Seven”. She was the head in Brad Pitt’s box !!! (Not to be
confused with Justin Timberlake’s popular “Saturday Night Live” skit).
Glancing at IMDB, it appears Paltrow won an Oscar for “Shakespeare In Love”.
Hmmmph… Sounds boring. Granted, “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” looked rather
dull and I LOVED it, but I was kind of forced to see that. If someone kicks down
my door and makes me watch “Shakespeare In Love” at gunpoint, then so be it.
Maybe I will like it. But until that time I’m going to have to live without. Pity.
Regardless, Gwyneth is AWESOME in “Iron Man” , (as is everyone else) !!!
And stick around until after the credits, for a pretty sweet cameo from…
? ? ?
Ha Ha ! I’m not going to tell you. You have got to go see for yourself !
But this movie is worth seeing from start to finish anyway. Multiple times.
Robert Downey Jr. has really raised the bar in this genre, doing an incredible job
playing the consummate super hero “alter ego”. What is really novel about
this film is that it goes against the traditional “isolated and lonely” hero persona.
As a matter of fact, Tony Stark was very lonely UNTIL he became Iron Man !
Talk about IRONY ! Ha Ha !
His robot suit is even complete with a wise-cracking computer system. It talks
to him (and yes, keeps him company) on his missions. And if that’s not enough,
Tony even chats with some friends on his cell phone while he is kicking some
butt. A far cry from “Bat Man” running to the shadows after a battle, sobbing
his little heart out over his long dead parents. It’s been what, 40 years now ?
Get over it. Get therapy. Maybe that’s why this poor guy can’t keep a
girlfriend for more than two hours. No… Robin doesn’t count. LOL !!!
“Iron Man” is solid entertainment ! Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto !!!
Would I Recommend This ? Yes
Daniel’s Critical Rating: “10” out of “10”