For The Last Time, This Is Not “Fight Club” !
~ Hello Everyone ~
Welcome To Daniel’s Critical Corner !
Keeping His Pants On Today: The Incredible Hulk
UGH ! This is just not working… Darn it ! I thought I could write
this new review while wearing my “Hulk Smash Hands”. Guess not.
Sigh… Well, at least I can do it while wearing my “Hulk Underoos”.
Granted, they are a little tight, but still fun to wear !!!
Speaking of a “little” tight, what is going on with the Hulk’s pants
anyway? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I want ’em
off… seeing some HUGE CGI gamma ray zapped “cucumber” has
zero appeal, but what is the secret to those bad boys staying on?
Talking about trousers and stuff is just not my cup of tea. That’s why
I never reviewed “The Sisterhood of the Ya Ya Pants” (or whatever it
was called). However, I am a man always seeking knowledge, and if
anyone can give me a logical explanation for this phenomena, I’m ALL
ears. LOL !
Now, “gamma rays” are another mystery altogether, but those little
buggers show up in EVERY “Hulk” incarnation that pops up in movie
theaters, comic books and cartoons. I wonder if a high SPF sunscreen
would be affective against them ? Probably not, and I would never be
willing to test it out. Knowing my luck, MY PANTS would be the first
Hulk pants (in the history of Hulk pants) to rip off. In front of a
busload of nuns.
These aforementioned gamma rays were featured in the LAST “Hulk”
film (an Incredible FLOP) directed by Lang Wee. Um… Wang Less.
Er… The gay cowboy dude. You know, he brought us Crotching
Tigers, and such. Well, his take on our Marvel superstar was less
than well received. Edward Norton saw this, and said “This movie
sucks, I can do better”. So here we are.
Tang Free said the same thing about “Fight Club” to be fair, and
so his answer to that was “Brokeback Mountain”. Did I finally get
the name right? “Brokeback Mountain” was a Tang Free film, was
it not ? Hmmm…
At any rate, we have a brand new “spin” on the big green guy, and it
ain’t half bad ! This version hits the ground running from where the
last one left off… It really isn’t related to the 2003 flick, but in some
ways, it could be. We only see a few minutes of back story and then
BOOM, we are with Bruce Banner (The Hulk’s alter ego) hiding out in
Brazil. Banner, of course, is being played by Edward Norton, whose
portrayal of this introspective character is spot on. Much like Robert
Downey Jr.’s performance as Tony Stark in “Iron Man”, Norton brings
credibility and balance to “The Incredible Hulk”.
Bruce is (sad to say) contaminated with some horrible, vile stuff. But
what do you expect when you drink the water in Brazil ? Aside from
that, he is also radioactive, and the gamma poisoning residing deep
within his very DNA will turn him into a large nightmarish freak the
moment he gets angry. Kudos to veteran action film director Louis
Leterrier, who manages to pull off this grusome transformation
Lights… Gamma… ACTION !
Mr. Banner works at some sort of bottling plant, (under an alias), and
his supervisors start to realize he is too smart for just day labor. He
refuses promotions however, to keep his guise intact. Staying low key,
he can live in his humble apartment with his dog and work on finding
a cure for his unusual infliction.
Things go well until an accident at his job causes the U.S. Military to
find him. They are the the ones actually behind his ghastly condition,
and they need him back to unlock his secrets. Turns out, the Army
wants to build a race of SUPER SOLDIERS (in addition to creating the
next winner of “American Idol”).
Well, all of this ticks Bruce off, and in no time he turns into the mean,
green butt-whoopin’ machine “The Hulk”. He manages to thrash a few
soldiers before escaping back to the USA where he must find his long
lost love Betty Ross (Liv Tyler). I couldn’t stop staring at her lips
during this movie… Have they always been that big ? We are talkin’
“Angelina Jolie” big. Or “Someone slammed a door on her FACE” big.
OK, so she is dating The Hulk. I guess that would explain it. Ha Ha !
“Liv and let Liv”. That’s my motto !
After getting hooked back up with Betty, Bruce tries to find a scientist
(by the name of Mr. Blue) who can help him with his dilemma. The Army
won’t let up, and they decide to catch Bruce by creating a hulk of their
own. This “Abomination” soon runs amok, and there is no stopping what
has become a Frankenstein experiment FROM HELL.
Get Off My Back Hillary… I Said “ABOMINATION”
Not “Obama Nation” ! Sheeesh !!!
Plenty of by the numbers fights ensue, and yes, there were a couple of times
when I felt like I was watching a video game. But the action goes at such a
thrilling pace, one is inclined to just buy into the illusion and enjoy the ride.
As a matter of fact, the final battle scene was so long and intense, I almost
needed a cigarette when it was all said and done. I’ve got to admit, it’s really
fun to watch The Hulk do his thing. (Much more fun than watching The Thing
do his hulk). But that’s another movie.
A surefire summer hit, this Green Giant is guaranteed
to make you Jolly !
Would I Recommend This ? Yes
Daniel’s Critical Rating: “8” out of “10”