Daniel’s Critical Corner: “Star Wars: The Clone Wars”

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True It Is, Obi-Wan…  In Bantha Poodoo, Stepped Have I.

  ~ Hello Everyone ~
Welcome To Daniel’s Critical Corner !
(Where you will never find a more wretched hive
of scum and villainy).  Today, the Force is strong with:
 Star Wars: The Clone Wars

A long time ago in a galaxy far,
far away…

Episode LXXVII

Bob Hope

*                                             *  

                *                                                   *

The year is 1977, and
 young Danny B. has just come
  back from seeing Star Wars
for the very first time at a
drive-in with his parents.
He is now a total fan!

 *                 *


         *                                                            *

 Yep.  It’s a fact.  Ever since that magical night so many years back,
I have been hooked.  My Mom and Dad knew it, and automatically
started feeding my need by purchasing me Star Wars figures !!! 

Thank goodness I was the first generation born into the Star Wars
 era.  If I were around just ten years prior, I would have been playing
with wooden cowboys, puppets and trains.  YUCK !  No “Howdy
Doody” for me !!!   

Christmas of 1977 was the first wave…  Santa Claus brought me
the action figures of Darth Vader, Ben Kenobi,  Luke Skywalker,
Princess Leia,  C-3PO and R2-D2 !!!  I also scored with a sweet
inflatable “Lightsaber”.  Not to mention the “Death Star” and  
a “Landspeeder” !

For my Birthday the next year, more cool stuff !  I received a
“TIE Fighter” and a “Dewback”… Not to mention Chewbacca, 
 some Stormtroopers, and Han Solo !!!   (For Easter, the Easter
Bunny would always hide Star Wars figures with the chocolate
eggs) ! 

 *                                              *       *

*                 * 

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Just Dew It !!!

 Mom has (mostly) fond memories of me playing Star Wars.
There was this one time, while in the kitchen loading up the
dishwasher,  she was startled by a horrific scream coming
out of my room.  It was a high pitch shriek of sheer terror,
  causing her to actually drop a glass ! 

In a panic, she bolted back to my bedroom, where another
shrill cry was piercing the air.  The door was closed, and Mom
opened it cautiously wondering what I had done to myself.

She found me holding my Princess Leia figure.  “What in the
world is going on” ?  Mom asked with concern in her voice.
I responded by saying,  “Princess Leia fell off a cliff” !  Ha !   
Boy, was my Mom ticked off.  I had this habit of putting my
figures up on a top bookcase shelf, and some poor character
would inevitably end up falling to their death (always in slow
motion, and hollering all the way down).

And people say that “Revenge of the Sith” was dark.  Hmmmph.
I was implementing tragedy into “Star Wars” long before that.
(No, I’m not condoning it) !

Star Wars should be kept light, and fortunately, that’s what the
new movie is all about.  Some people have complained that this
CGI vehicle is geared towards kids…  And in many respects it is. 
But that really isn’t such a bad thing.  When I saw the first movie
so many small moons ago, I was only seven years old.  I’m glad it
wasn’t rated “PG-13”, “R” or “X-Wing”.  Can you imagine? 

Me:  “Hey Dad, when can I go see the new ‘Star Wars’ movie” ?

Dad:  “Not until you are 18 son.  ‘Star Wars’ is for grown-ups”.

I realize all of us original “Star Wars” fans have gotten older.  But
please, let’s keep it for kids as well, so they can grow up loving it
 too. Everyone is so jaded these days. To anyone who wants more  
death and destruction, I fart in your general Grievous direction !

This new film has the lowest body count of the entire series. 
There is, however, plenty of violence against Robots.  But they
DESERVE it.  They are bad, naughty robots.  Robots from the
wrong end of town.  Robots without a cause ! 

Our story centers around Anakin Skywalker and Ben Kenobi,
trying to save the day again by rescuing Jabba the Hutt’s baby,
“Rotta”  AKA “Stinky”.  Poor little Stinky has been kidnapped by
  the Separatists, (led by the vile Count Dooku) in an attempt to 
force Jabba to work with them.  Stinky the Hutt is sooo cute ! 
I love me some Stinky.  Yes, he looks like his Dad, but he has 
really taken on more of his good traits.


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Return Of The “Red-Eye”


To help save the little ball of blubber, Yoda sends Anakin and
Ben one of those pantomime Padme WHATEVER learners named
Oshkosh B’Gosh (or something like that).  She is quite a spunky
addition to our crew, and has future Jedi written all over her ! 
(But that’s only because she passed out at a party and someone
had a black marker).

Of course, there are plenty of villains on board to thwart our
friend’s plans.  Some bald Jedi chick named Ventress, a creature
known as Whorm Loathsom, and Jabba’s gay uncle (to name a
a few) !

Yes,  Jabba has a gay uncle !  “Ziro the Hutt” !  He just MAKES
this movie. He wears a feather and emulates Truman Capote ! 
He owns a sleazy nightclub in Seedy City, and he’s one of the
most colorful new characters to grace the Star Wars universe in
   a while !!!  We learn that Jabba actually has THREE gay uncles.  
Due to time constraints, two of them were cut from the film.


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Elton the Hutt


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Rosie the Hutt


Now, the CGI in this movie isn’t the best ever, I will be the first to
admit.  Sometimes, it kind of looks like a “Dire Straits” video.  But,
the action is thrilling, the backdrops are stunning AND the killer
  soundtrack will blow your socks clean off.  This flick also seems to  
have a great sense of humor about itself.  For example,  The battle
droids have some awesome one-liners !  They manage to give off a 
“Keystone Cops” kind of vibe.  And, reminding me of my youth, one
of them goes screaming off a cliff in dramatic (and rather hilarious)
fashion !

Much to my happy delight, Samuel L. Jackson, Christopher Lee and
Anthony Daniels add their voice talents this time around, so “Star
Wars: The Clone Wars” has a warm, familiar air to it !  (No, I’m not
talking about Stinky’s flatulence).  And I did get some goosebumps
during the final showdown in the courtyard !!!  It is a fierce battle
between Ventress and Ben.  He finds her to be quite a worthy foe
 when she whips out her double-ended lightsaber.  KINKY.  She may
not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts !

This story will continue on in the form of a TV show coming to
Cartoon Network.  It’s not quite as entertaining as The Family
Guy’s “Blue Harvest”, but almost…  LOL !!!  It will be nice to see 
more of these engaging characters soon.      

“Star Wars: The Clone Wars” has the droids you’re looking for !


Would I Recommend This ?  Yes

Daniel’s Critical Rating:  “7.5” out of “10”



16 thoughts on “Daniel’s Critical Corner: “Star Wars: The Clone Wars”

  1. Awesome review! I love the other “Hutts”! Elton & Rosie… Priceless! This was by far the best movie of the entire year, and the great part is that it will continue on TV! I loved the battle droids and glad you noticed them, too! I agree that Ziro made the movie, I love the way he talks and his design was too cool! Aanakin & Asoka “Oshkosh” were very cool as well as Obi Wan. I can’t wait to own this on DVD.

  2. Thanks Chayne !!! I hope they make a “Ziro” action figure…
    It would be cool to have him sitting on my computer desk !
    Asajj Ventress was also a personal favorite of mine. She
    is FIERCE. I too, am looking forward to the DVD. (I had
    the original “Star Wars” DVD in my player on repeat ALL
    Labor Day Weekend) !!!

  3. I’ve gotta admit, I love em’ all. 🙂

    My lowest rating would have to go to “Revenge of the Sith”,
    a “7” out of “10”. And, for the record, my highest rating
    would go to the classic “A New Hope”, a “10” out of “10” !!!

  4. LOL!!! Great review again. awesome details.. Somehow I can completely picture your mom while you play with your toys!!! LOL. I definitely love the FART line. And believe me, to all who read this, he WILL fart on you!!!! You are the best!! 🙂

  5. Wait a minute…How dare you NOT mention the ‘da da da da da dada dada daaaaaa’of the Alien’s playing their rag written by John Williams!!!! NERVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Double Nerve ! You are short a single “Da” in front of “Daaaaaa” ! DUH !
    LOL !!! Well, I shall forgive you this minor indiscretion… If you like those
    cantina guys, they make an appearance in “The Clone Wars”, with a slow,
    sultry jam that’s included on the stellar soundtrack !!!

  7. It was nice to see a CGI movie that didn’t have talking animals, (Ziro doesn’t count, lol). I’m definitely looking forward to seeing more of Ventress in the rest of The Clone Wars series. (Elton and Rosie the Hutt’s pics are hysterical) 🙂

  8. Thanks RuSs ! Ventress is such a cool character, it would
    have been nice to see her in “Attack of the Clones” or even
    “Revenge of the Sith”. Of course she was great in the first
    “Clone Wars” cartoon series (2003-2005) as well. I really
    need to get those added to my DVD collection !!!

  9. Hmmm I wasn’t sure I wanted to see this because I hated the recent trilogy but I think you’ve talked me into it. 😉 Oh and I saw Death Race last week and LOVED it. Thanks

  10. Awesome ! I’m glad you liked Death Race… It was a hoot !

    I know plenty of people that didn’t like the recent trilogy,
    but this new edition bangs to the beat of a different drum…

    For me, it put a new spin on some of my favorite elements
    from the first films (as well as the last) ! Give it a shot 🙂

  11. As usual very funny writing,… You know what part of the Star Wars storyline I would like to see a movie about though? after the end of episode 3 where we see Darth Vader emerge at the end, up until when Luke and Leia grow up and episode 4 starts. There is like at least a 20 year gap there, right? I mean how old is Luke when episode 4 starts? That would be interesting,… a movie about how the Emperor and Vader got stronger and the republic weakened.

  12. Ha ha the part where you scare the death out of your mom was hilarious. I could see you doing that. Makes me wish I were around when it first came out so I could understand half those jokes. Oh and good job on adding the “dew” part.

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