Daniel's Critical Corner

October 31, 2016

Halloween Favorites: Volume X

Filed under: Horror — Daniel @ 2:30 pm
Tags: , ,

pillow-of-death

These Films Are Hair-Raising !

Hello Everyone !
Welcome to my parlor…
Time to feast your eyes upon:
Halloween Favorites: Volume X

In the darkness, shadowy figures make their way through town.  If a wary
soul pays close attention, whispers can be heard just above the ominous
autumn winds.  Some lurk just beyond graveyard gates, whilst some hide
behind misshapen trees.

Soon, bloodshot eyes will be focusing on your humble abode.  You might
want to bolt the door, lock the windows, and pull the drapes !  Otherwise,
trick-or-treaters and their frazzled parents will probably notice that you’re
watching “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”.  Egads !  How can you save
face?

Fear not.  Just plan on checking out some of the following movies.  When
possible, view them in HD (Horrific Demise).  Muah-ha-ha !!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Pillow of Death

*Frightening Fluff.

He Knows You’re Alone

*Because you forgot to wear deodorant !

Lights Out

*The electric bill is way too high.

The Last Exorcism

*I doubt it.

The Grudge

*Let it go already !

Young Frankenstein

*Never gets old.

Ouija: Origin of Evil

*A terrifying board meeting.

~

ouijaorigin

Be Honest.  Does This Make My Eye Look Big?

~

Cujo

*Who let the dogs out?

The Lost Boys

*Should have asked for directions !

Ginger Snaps

*And hums (while listening to music on her radio).

Frozen Ghost

*Chilling.

Them!

*A favorite ant comes to visit

Blair Witch

*No relation to Linda.

Don’t Breathe

*Someone farted.

~

dont-breathe-2

Look !  It’s Another Political Billboard Ad !!!

~

The Nightmare Before Christmas

*Also known as Election Day !

Dark Water

*Wasn’t that a song by the Doobie Brothers?

The Devil’s Rejects

*Prada knockoffs.

I Am Legend

*Sounds like someone has a big ego.

Drag Me to Hell

*Just don’t drag me to see “Hello Dolly”.

Curtains

*Scarlett O’Hara looks great in ’em.

Boo!  A Madea Halloween

*Scares up plenty of laughs.

Final Destination

*We’ve reached the end !

~

  Have a happily haunted Halloween !!!

~ ~ ~

~ ~

~

 

October 29, 2015

Halloween Favorites: Blood Moon Mania

Filed under: Reviews — Daniel @ 11:30 am
Tags: , ,

 There Are Just Too Many Movies To Choose From !

Hello Everyone !
~ I Bid You Welcome ~
Tickling Your Funny Bone Today:
Halloween Favorites: Blood Moon Mania

Good evening.  Or Morning.  Or good whatever (depending on when you’re
reading this).  Ultimately, it doesn’t matter when you view this hauntingly
hilarious list.  Night crawlers and day dwellers alike will be thrilled !

Well, at least I hope all of my readers will be satisfied ! Who knows what
morning-people enjoy as Count Dracula retires to his coffin ?  I suppose
they watch “Good Morning America” while eating a healthy breakfast that
features grapefruit.  Then, they probably go for a bike ride (even if there
is a chill in the air).  Scary !!!

The chilly air is a signal that autumn winds are flushing out specters from
their shadowy hiding places.  As Halloween approaches, we will be in our
warm abodes, just waiting for ghastly goblins to encroach upon our front
doorsteps.  Costumed crusaders craving candy !  Trick-or-treaters !

Here are some spellbinding cinematic suggestions (to help get you past
the craziness).

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Onibaba

  *Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann !

Night of the Living Dead

*They’re coming to get you, Ba ba ba ba Barbara !

Crimson Peak

*These people need to see Dr. Phil immediately.

We Are Still Here

*Might as well pull up a chair.

The Picture of Dorian Gray

*Is clearly photoshopped !

Island of Lost Souls

*Fans of “One Direction” these days.

The Invisible Man

*Has to be seen to be believed !

The Cat and the Canary

*Feathers are ruffled.

Friday the 13th Part 2

*Parts is parts.

~

It’s Hard To Pick My Favorite Sequel !!!

~

The Old Dark House

*Needs a few light bulbs.

Goosebumps

*A gaggle of giggles.

Cujo

*The original “Grumpy Puppy” (no offense to Earl) !

The Last Witch Hunter

*Entertaining (for a spell).

The Book of Life

*Lively indeed !

Maggie

*Schwarzenegger terminates zombies.

The Man in Half Moon Street

*Sounds like a wardrobe malfunction !

Zombies on Broadway

*No, it’s not Angela Lansbury’s latest production.

Dracula Untold

*Do tell !

~

Forgetting My Comb Was A Grave Error.

~

The Visit

*Old-fashioned scares !

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

*She misplaced her car keys.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

*Thanks to Instagram !

Terror Train

*Stays on track.

Dracula’s Daughter

*Is batty.

The Wolf Man

*Hair today, gone tomorrow !

It Came From Outer Space

*And now resides in Roswell.

The Exorcist

*Will make your head spin.

Jaws

*Fin.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Happy Halloween !!!

~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 31, 2014

Halloween Favorites Part 5: Daniel Lives

Filed under: Reviews — Daniel @ 8:15 am
Tags: , ,

Yes, People Really Do Look Like Their Pets !

Hello Everyone !
~ I Bid You Welcome ~
Today’s Woefully Wicked Writings:
Halloween Favorites Part 5: Daniel Lives

As you read this terrifying new post, I’m sure that your heart will be racing
wildly (because of uncontrollable fear).  Or, possibly, because you just ate
a spicy burrito.  Nonetheless, you will be quivering and shivering when you
view my spooktacular selections of the supernatural !!!

Perhaps you will be interrupted as you peruse my page.  An ominous knock
on the front door is inevitable !  Open it up at your own risk, for a ghoul or
goblin might have their hand out, begging for candy.  If you happen to see
a really odd guy wearing a paper bag on his head, don’t fret.  It’s just Shia
LaBeouf.  Poor guy.  He’s one drink away from becoming Charlie Sheen !

Oh Well.  He is pretty good in “Fury”, a great film that ironically didn’t tank.
Now, if you dare, take a look at my Halloween movie suggestions.  Some of
them are bloody good (and some are cheesy) but they’re all freaky fun !!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Maleficent

* Is magnificent.

Monster House

* No, it’s not a reality show…

A Nightmare on Elm Street

* One, two, Freddy’s not through…
Three, four, sequels or more !!!

The Grudge

* Let it go already !
Read “Chicken Soup for the Soul” or something.

Darkness Falls

* Because of a banana peel.

He Knows You’re Alone

* And he finds your lack of popularity disturbing.

The Conjuring

* Every witch way but loose !

Dracula Untold

* Guaranteed to chase away your blahs.

~

 ^ Dracula Unwashed

~

Cujo

* Who let the dogs out ?

Shock Waves

* Surfing is not advisable.

Curtains

* Scarlett O’Hara looks great in ’em.

The Howling

* Possibly the title of Lady Gaga’s next album !

The Equalizer

* Denzel Washington has watched way
too many “Friday the 13th” movies.

Monsters University

* The perfect place for BRAINS.

The Fog

* A real pea-souper.

The Exorcist 

* Another pea-souper.

The Ring

* Look for it on VHS !

~

Be Kind.  Rewind.

~

The Glass House

*  Is smudged with fingerprints.

Swimfan

* Makes quite a splash !

You’re Next

* Unless someone cuts in front of you.

Hotel Transylvania

* Check in (and check it out).

House of 1000 Corpses

* They exaggerate.  It’s more like 735 corpses.
I counted !

The Bride of Frankenstein

* A film about two souls who were made for each other.

The Boxtrolls

* It’s hip to be square.

Halloween

* Have a happy one !!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

October 25, 2012

Daniel’s Critical Corner: The Beast (and Best) of Halloween Favorites

Filed under: Reviews — Daniel @ 10:40 pm
Tags: , ,

We Totally Rock, Doggone It !

Hello Mummies and Deadies.
~ I Bid You Welcome ~
Tonight’s Diabolical Delight:
The Beast (and Best) of Halloween Favorites

If you’re not careful, All Hallow’s Eve will sneak up on you.  It creeps
behind crumbling gravestones, pouncing on unsuspecting victims just
as the October sun sets !  The vile spirits of Hallowe’en love autumn’s
lengthy and bone-chilling nights.  They thrive in shadow.

Beware, for they must feed !!!  When not drinking blood (or eating a
plate of brains) they feast on cinema !  No, not just any cinema.  You
won’t catch any of ’em chowing down on Doris Day’s “Teacher’s Pet”.
Stephen King’s “Pet Sematary” is more their style !!!

Once, a spirit chewed on “Ishtar”, but that was because there wasn’t
anything else in the refrigerator.  Nonetheless, please do stay on the
safe side.  Have an ample supply o’ treats for the kiddies at the front
door (and have the following films ready for those monsters lurking
in your closet and under your bed).

~ ~~ ~

Frankenweenie

* Electrifying fun !

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

* I just want to know who ate my Baby Ruth

The Creature from the Black Lagoon

* I’m not talking about Brooke Shields…  Her lagoon was blue.

Suspiria

* Wasn’t that a Phil Collins tune ?

The Witches of Eastwick

* Also known as “The View”.

Dead Silence

* Marcel Marceau’s concert video.

Scream

* OK.  Eyaaaaaaaaa !

Orphan

* The sun won’t come up tomorrow !

~

Ha !  Good Luck Singing That Song Again…

~

The Invisible Man

* Starring Joe Biden.

Drag Me to Hell

* Just don’t drag me to see “Hello Dolly!”

Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte

* We can all hear your cell phone conversation.

Diary of the Dead

* “Today at school, I finally worked up the nerve to eat Billy.”

I Know What You Did Last Summer

* Because it’s posted on Facebook !

The Monkey’s Paw

* Argues with the Monkey’s Ma.

Hotel Transylvania

* Howling fun !

Halloween

* Bad night for babysitters.

~

Jamie Lee Curtis
(Before She Became “Regular”)

~

Cujo

* A great companion piece to “Old Yeller”.

Darkness Falls

* And it can’t get up !

 When a Stranger Calls

* Invite them over for a movie and some popcorn.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

* Isn’t that where Susan Boyle got her start ?

The Possession

* Is nine-tenths of the law.

Burnt Offerings

* Rachael Ray’s latest cooking show.

ParaNorman

* Fun activity !

Misery

* Loves company.

Visiting Hours

* Are over.  Come back soon !!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There you have it !  Rehashed horror hits from the Critical Corner crypt
(with some new favorites thrown in for good measure).  Have a goulash,
Um…  I mean, “ghoulish”  holiday !

Daniel’s Critical Corner:  Always a “10” out of “10”.

~

October 24, 2011

Daniel’s Critical Corner: Rise of Halloween Favorites

Filed under: Reviews — Daniel @ 3:00 pm
Tags: , ,

If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another !

Hello Everyone !
~ Welcome.  Stay For A Bite ~
Today’s Horrific Hullabaloo: Rise of
Halloween Favorites

Behold the many glorious wonders of autumn !  Blankets of red and orange
leaves now bury cemeteries under ever-waning daylight.  Birds start to look
South beneath an ominous Harvest Moon…  And, even though it’s a bit chilly
outside, you can still place your tongue on a flagpole and not get stuck !

Best of all, Halloween is just around the dark corner…  And I’ve got some
movies listed here guaranteed to give you the heebie-jeebies !!!  Or maybe
just the heaves.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Tingler

* No.  It’s not a shampoo.

I Walked with a Zombie

* Then I went running with a vampire !

The Gravedancers

* Weren’t they on “America’s Got Talent” ?

Diary of the Dead

* Today at school, I finally worked up the nerve to eat Billy.

The Monkey’s Paw

* Argues with the Monkey’s Ma.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark

* Unless you’re in a hot tub with Ashton Kutcher !

Sorority Row

* Alpha Epsilon Die

~

Somebody’s Got An Axe To Grind.

~

The Boogeyman

* Who says disco is dead ?

Cujo

* A nice companion piece to “Old Yeller”.

The Thing

* Thawing out aliens is never a good idea.

The Howling

* Justin Bieber in concert !

Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes

* Sorry, I forgot to shut the gate behind me.

Borderland

* Michele Bachmann says this is her favorite Madonna song.

Fright Night

* Is a spooky delight.

Paranormal Activity 3

* This season’s final contestants on “Dancing with the Stars”.

I Eat Your Skin

* And have cheesecake for dessert !

The Fly

* Grab the swatter.

~

Stop Bugging Me !

~

Christine

* Honk if you love film critics !

The Stuff

* What Jamie Lee Curtis gobbles down to stay regular.

Nosferatu

* Gesundheit !

The Hands of Orlac

* Look Madge !  I soaked in it !

Deep Blue Sea

* Not to be confused with “Dolphin Tale”.

The Funhouse

* Also known as Charlie Sheen’s residence !

The Lawnmower Man

* Has hit yet another sprinkler.

Visiting Hours

* Are Over.  See you next time !

~

Happy Halloween from Daniel’s Critical Corner !
Always a “10” out of “10”And always tickling
your funny bone !!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

October 31, 2009

Daniel’s Critical Corner: Revenge of Halloween Favorites

Filed under: Marcel Marceau — Daniel @ 5:00 pm
Tags: , ,


…Whatever You Do Bob, Don’t Fart  !!!

Hello Everyone !
~ I Bid You Welcome ~
Today’s Sinister Spectacle: Revenge of
Halloween Favorites

 It is that time of year yet again !  The trees have shed their leaves, so they
now stand bare (with skeletal branches reaching upwards to a moonlit sky).
Soon, your doorbell shall ring, and small open hands will demand an offering
of sweets !

When you turn the porch light off, you’re probably going to want to watch
a fright flick or two…  Please, do check out any one of these supernatural
suggestions, featuring ghouls and ghosts ready to scare the sheet out of
everybody !!!

Saw VI

* Terror with a new “spin”.

Paranormal Activity

* Also known as the David Letterman extortion video.

Misery

* Loves company.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula

* You’ve got the rite one baby, uh-huh  !

Dead Silence

* Marcel Marceau live in concert.

Onibaba

* Ba Ba Ba, Barbara Ann !

Orphan

* The sun won’t come out tomorrow.

~

 
Dawn of the Red

~

Pet Sematary 

* Where “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” ended up.

Monster House

* No, it’s not a reality show…

The Invisible Man

* Starring Joe Biden.

The Witches of Eastwick

* Also known as “The View”.

Frogs

* There are many ways to croak.

 Repo! The Genetic Opera

* Isn’t that where Susan Boyle got her start ?

The Fall of the House of Usher

* This recession is murder.

Trick ‘r Treat

* Smell my feet !

Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte

* We can all hear your cell phone conversation.

 Muah Ha Ha Ha…

FeardotCom

* Also known as CriticalcornerdotNet.

Burnt Offerings

* Rachael Ray’s new cooking gig.

The House That Dripped Blood

* Better call a plumber !

White Noise

* Eminem’s last album.

Dr. Phibes Rises Again

* Thanks to Viagra.

Urban Legends: Bloody Mary

* I prefer a screwdriver myself.

Drag Me to Hell

* Just don’t drag me to see “Hello Dolly!”

Curtains

* With this we draw to a close…

~

Happy Halloween from Daniel’s Critical Corner.
Always a “10” out of “10” !!!

 

October 26, 2008

Daniel’s Critical Corner: Halloween Favorites

Filed under: Film — Daniel @ 9:42 pm
Tags: , ,

 1539319426_c7b368dd99[1].jpg_v=0 by you.
^ Vampires SUCK…  But These Movies Don’t !

~ Welcome, Foolish Mortals ~
Enter Daniel’s Critical Corner
IF YOU DARE !!!

On The Slab Today:  “Halloween Favorites” !

Good Evening…  Blah, Blah !  Well, at least you can hope
for a “good evening”, and if you follow my advice, you can
avoid the “Blahs” as well !

Halloween is just around the corner, so I’m here to make
sure you have some great movie selections to keep your
circulation going…  On what’s sure to be a chilling night.

Tell your Mummy and Deady that this Halloween YOU
are going to provide the entertainment, by renting (or
perhaps even buying) the following selections !

The Evil Dead

* They are Evil AND Dead…  Who could ask for more ?

Mad Monster Party

* Monsters are some of the most interesting people…

Nightmare On Elm Street

* Freddy, who does your nails ?  They’re to DIE for !!!

The Bride Of Frankenstein

* It’s not easy being pretty.

Copy_of_BrideofF[2] by you.
No, I Did NOT Go To “Supercuts” Today.

Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?

* I just want to know who ate my Baby Ruth

It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

* Beats the HELL out of a “mediocre” pumpkin.

The Creature From The Black Lagoon

* No, it’s not Brooke Shields…  Her lagoon was blue.

I Know What You Did Last Summer

* Damn !  I didn’t realize my webcam was on…

Elvira’s Haunted Hills

* Put some “boob” back in your tube !

l_d81aaef9c94b419a9b723e5b47ad720b[1] by you.
Rest In “Peace” !

The Thing

* I’ve got your “thing” right here ! 😉

The Blob

* Starring Sally Struthers…

Cursed

* This werewolf movie has BITE !

Ghostbusters

* Who you gonna call ?

Sleepy Hollow

* A movie after my own heart…  (And head) !

The Abominable Dr. Phibes

* Not to be confused with “Dr. Phil”.

Scream

* OK.  EEEEEEEEEK !!!

scream[1] by you.
Hello ?

photo7007067[1] by you.
NO !!!  I Don’t Want To Vote
For John McCain !

Darkness Falls

* And it can’t get up !

Corpse Bride

* Sigh…  Always a corpse, never a cadaver.

Alien

* In space, no one cares if you’re Sigourney Weaver.

When A Stranger Calls

* Invite them over for a movie and some popcorn !

Black Christmas

* This DVD would make a great stalking stuffer !

Showgirls

* Just kidding !  (But it is scary) !

Hell Night

* Linda Blair without the vomit.

Halloween

* Jamie Lee Curtis before he became a man !

 Suspiria

* Wasn’t that a Phil Collins tune ?

The Ring

* All’s well that ends well !

The Mummy

* With that I shall WRAP things up !!!

~

OK you little devils…  There you have it, in a pumpkin shell !
So snuggle up to your “boo”and ENJOY !!!  Muah ha ha ha  !!!

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

1200ps[1] by you.

Happy Halloween !!!

 

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